MY PETITION TO THE DIVINE

      My long term relationship with food has always been characterized by frustrations mostly on my end of the bargain time & time again. The depth of emotional trauma I have succumbed to is known only too well by me , food & u the creator . Trust me, I also find the fact that it has come to this a bitter pill to swallow whole.Nevertheless desparate times call for desparate measures. 
They say ‘God helps those who help themselves’ so in that respect Lately I have been gobbling down food like a man possessed faster than any animal known to man but the precious nutrients seen to be slipping between my fingers for I I’m yet to reap the fatty benefits that go hand in hand with continuous overeating.  Despite my spirited efforts I continue oscillating between 60.0-60.2kgs on the higher end.
As the old adage by our Scottish ancestors goes if turnips were swords then I would have one by my side or in my case we would not be having this conversation .. it dawned on me recently father that most of our forefathers sayings may neither in this life nor in the next come to pass ,it is my sincere hope that this won’t be the case for my plea here today .                     New years eve was with us just afew weeks ago and just like any rational thinking human being worth his salt on this giant ball of gas and rock, I took a moment away from the hustle & bustle that comes with the festive season and penned down some new years resolutions. At the helm of my list was gaining a meager five more kilos to add to my hard earned 60kgs (& I mean hard earned mate ) but unlike most new year resolutions made by man on 31st December since the Egyptians invented the first solar calendar, mine came with a well thought out feasible plan to guarantee success. Seeing me write this letter you get the feeling things didn’t go according to plan. With the hope of the weighing balance ever tipping to my favour growing evermore dimmer by the day this letter to the divine seems to be the only viable last resort.      With Valentine’s day being just afew hours away this year I plan to take my relationship with food to the next level …        if it means “kupanda mbegu “(giving tithe) in a bid to rid me of my woes ..  for Christ sake then, so be it    ..      Fueled by desparation & the demonic hunger for one more plate   I’m at the liberty to believe that witchcraft might have a hand in this plague that haunts my sorry soul year in year out.               
I am trapped in a quagmire & with this letter I hope yank on your heartstrings ,this time I will not take no for an answer .I seal this envelope hoping against hope that I have knocked on the right door with unwavering faith that my woes will not only be heard but answered on the double.